


Rivers Run Deep

by tinycamembert



Category: Cafe Cardamari Tales
Genre: (technically ink), Blood, Brief description of violence, F/F, rated T just in case lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 05:43:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19900768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinycamembert/pseuds/tinycamembert
Summary: Bella has a horrible dream and tries to deal with the aftermath.





	Rivers Run Deep

**Author's Note:**

> never posted this on tumblr bc its OOC confirmed at this point but i still like the writing lol and if you're a maribella garbage heap like me you won't care if its OOC and they move a lil too fast
> 
> most of my self-indulgent drabbles have to do with marian and bella meeting again for the first time (or first few times) after Everything Happens but just in various points in time and different situations lol so this is not the first fic like this i'll post and it will not be the last!

Bella has had dreams like this before. It's recurring at this point, and it always starts the same, the same way it did in real life. She sees Clem's smug face, the image distorted in her anger, and Bella's arm swings around in the hazy slow speed of the dream, her fist connecting with Clem's jaw as they topple to the groud. This time, she hears the clang of the bomb fall, the ticktickticktick, but this is a dream, and it doesn't go the way it did two months ago when it happened. The bomb clatters to the ground, but when it hits the ground it doesn't stop rolling, and it rolls and rolls and clatters along the way and it should have stopped moving by now, shouldn't be possible for it to keep moving but it is, and it grows in size, cobalt ink bulging and ready to burst as it stops precisely at Marian's feet and explodes.

The bomb goes off like a firework and Marian collapses, blue blood and blue ink running in rivers together and Marian's not getting up and Bella tries to stand but she can't, Clem's body is on top of hers and she can't push her off, can't even prop herself up and all the strength is gone from her arms and her wrists buckle underneath her and just as the river of blue reaches her she wakes up.

Her pillow is drenched, her shirt sticks to her chest with sweat and she lets out an involuntary shuddering breath, taking in gulps of cool air as she tries to wake herself up. The clock on her bedside table reads 3:01 AM. Her eyelids are heavy, but she turns her lamp on. If she falls asleep again, the dream could pick right up where it left off.

Ten minutes later, the sweat has cooled on Bella's shirt and she lies on her stomach, head resting on her arms, the harsh light of her phone illuminating her pillow. Marian's contact information is up on the screen, but she hasn't opened up a new message yet. She knows it's irrational to send a text asking Marian if she's okay. It was just a dream and she knows it. 

Bella sighs and clicks the lock button on her phone and turns off the lamp, pulling the covers over her shoulders and curling up on her side. On her other side, her phone has a nagging presence. She can feel its weight on the sheets.

"Fuck," Bella mutters, and turns back around, picking up her phone and opening the new message tab. To be fair, this was not the first dream she's had the past few months where Marian has turned up in her dreams, whether she's upset or mad at her or had just popped into her mind while she was asleep, her golden stare and grumpy expression ever-present, and Bella always wakes up feeling like her day was already ruined before it even started.

i had a nightmare where you died, Bella writes, and then at the last second adds, and I wanted to make sure youre ok, before she hits send, for fear of the message weirding Marian out to the point where she doesn't respond. Bella isn't sure what response she wants out of her sudden text but she rolls back over in bed, feeling calmer now that her impulse is satisfied, and falls back into an uneasy sleep before she can think much more about it.

\----

The next morning Bella wakes up, somewhat groggy still from her interrupted sleep the night before; the dream is on her mind, but the text is not, and so when her phone alerts her that she has three new texts from Marian she makes a weird choking noise over her coffee. 

....Yes, I'm fine, The first text reads. The second one: Are you okay? Do you need to talk? And the third, one, which Bella sees was sent ten minutes after the first two: I know it's been a while since we've talked but that was a serious offer. It's up to you.

Bella rests her cheek on her palm and takes a contemplative slurp of coffee. It would be so easy to reply and tell Marian never mind, and she feels stupid for even sending a text so late at night when she obviously had little to no impulse control.

On the other hand, she's already started the conversation and made a fool out of herself, so it'd be easy enough to keep talking to her if she wanted to. Which she kind of does, but she doesn't want Marian to know that. 

Bella's fingers are itching to send a text, to reply with anything, but she manages to hold herself back for the moment. If she can come up with a response that actually means something, she tells herself, she'll send it, but right now she's going to be late for work.

\---- 

Unfortunately, the flower shop isn't very busy on weekdays, which means that Bella has nothing else to do but move crates and think about Marian. Meanwhile, Bella's mother putters around the shop, cheerful and full of energy, and whenever a customer comes in she manages to get to them first. While her mum chatters away, Bella sits in the back and sulks. 

"What is the troubling you, my dear?" She finally asks Bella during a lull, floating by to sit on a crate next to Bella's spot on the ground.

"Nothing new," Bella mutters, knowing that her mother already knows exactly what, and by extension who, she is talking about. She chooses not to mention the dream.

"Hmm," her mother contemplates. "I am thinking it is best if you are the talking to her, my flower. You are never knowing, she may be feeling the same!"

"I—uh, I don't really think it matters, Mum," Bella says, and she believes it. "I think it's too late. She probably hates me, anyway."

"Of course it is not the too late," she says, blustering. "You two are being friends and girlfriends for so long, many years, and now saying you are five months without the talking is too long? Nonsense."

Bella says nothing, only swallows the outburst of frustration rising in her chest and building in her jaw. Her mother gives her a gelatinous pat on the shoulder, sensing Bella's silent desire to end the conversation, and heads off to adjust the flowers in the front of the shop.

After a few minutes, Bella hauls herself up from the ground, sick of feeling sorry for herself, and goes to bring a few boxes to the front.

She moves around a few new shipments until her mom puts her in charge of watering the flowers, most likely trying to keep her busy more than anything. Bella is half-heartedly spraying the arrangements around the back of the shop when the bell at the front door jangles. 

Bella's mom hurries off to welcome the customer, so she doesn't pay much attention until her mom returns to the back of the shop, three jelly arms wrapped rather forcefully around the wrist of Marian, whose panicked deer-in-headlights expression mimics exactly how Bella currently feels.

"She was the looking outside," Bella's mom says, her voice stern, "So I am making her to come in and talk. And please to be turning off the hose if you are not to using it, my dear."

"Uh—oh, yeah," Bella stammers. She had completely forgot she was even holding it, and there is a puddle on the ground growing in size by the second. 

"Well," Bella's mother says, seeming satisfied with her work, "I am leaving you to the talking. And good to seeing you, Marian." Marian nods hastily, still flustered, and Bella takes the opportunity to switch off the hose before it makes a mess. 

There is a moment where they both stand there silently. Marian focuses intently on some carnations to the left of her. 

"Um," Bella says, hoping that if she starts talking, she might figure out what to say on the spot and keep going. It does not work, but Marian looks up at her and they lock eyes. She looks pretty, Bella thinks helplessly. She wishes she were anywhere but here.

"You—you were looking around outside the shop?" Bella asks. "Why?"

Marian shrugs. "Sometimes I just come around here. It's not that far from the center of the city. Your mom just—she saw me, so she pulled me in." She pauses. "And, I mean, you texted me pretty late last night, and, uh..." Marian trails off, looking somewhere in the region of Bella's shoulders, avoiding eye contact.

"Sorry," Bella says, feeling stupid. "I shouldn't have done that."

"Are you okay, though?" Marian asks. "That's—um, I mean, I hadn't heard anything from you in almost half a year, and then I suddenly get a text from you like that, and I—I was worried, so—"

"Well, it's not like you ever acted during that time like you wanted me to talk to you, so—" Bella begins, irritated, and Marian instantly looks so upset that she stops mid-sentence. Bella feels horribly lost in the moment, torn between wanting to yell out all the hurt and betrayal that has been swirling in her gut and building ever since they broke up, yet the dismayed look on Marian's face puts a stop to Bella's outburst almost immediately.

"You think I didn't regret what I did?" Marian sputters, her eyes wide. 

"Well," Bella says, "does it really matter if you regret it—you fucking did it anyways—"

"Do you think it made me happy to kick you out of the team and break up with you, huh? My best friend—and you were so unpredictable, so aggressive, and I felt like I had no control—"

"Because god forbid you ever talked to me about it to my face," Bella snaps, and watches Marian's face flush red with shame. "How do you think I felt, huh? I had no idea you all secretly hated me but I guess you all were just conspiring to kick me out as soon as you could, all you cared about was winning—"

"That's not true!" Marian explodes. "I always cared about you!"

Silence falls for a few moments. Bella's heart ticks like a bomb in her chest. 

"How was I supposed to know that?" Bella asks. 

"I don't know," Marian says, her voice small. "I—I'm sorry. But—I mean, of course I did. I never wanted any of this to happen. I should have said something to you earlier."

Bella runs her fingertips over the edges of the flowers on the ledge next to her, absorbing Marian's words. The silence hangs over them for a shaky minute.

"I fucked up too," she shrugs, and takes in a long, slow breath. "I mean, obviously. So I hope that—I hope that you can forgive me." She swallows any other words that might rise to the surface, wary of any confessions or admissions that might come out unprompted. 

Marian seems to be debating with herself about whether to maintain eye contact or look very intently at the flowers that Bella is still messing with. 

"I do," she says. "But I'm not the only person you need to apologize to."

Bella nods. "I'm—I'm working on it." She doesn't mention that she has no idea where to start when it comes to Clem, and Jonquil, and that the idea makes her somewhat nauseous with worry, but she looks at Marian and hopes that she knows that she means it.

"Okay," Marian says, her voice quiet, and Bella wonders if Marian might think that her statement was insincere, but Marian moves her hand to cover Bella's, finally stopping her incessant fidgeting with the flower petals and intertwining their fingers together.

They both stop talking and look down at their hands at the same time. Bella lets the silence fall and runs her thumb along the side of Marian's index finger. 

The top of Marian's head is just below her chin, and before she can think much about it she leans down and places a kiss to the top of Marian's head. She smells like soap, and tea, and the lingering scent of flowers from the shop. Bella runs her fingers down Marian's neck from her collarbone to the sweatshirt she's wearing. She fiddles with the fabric and takes in the warmth from Marian's body as she leans in to her touch. 

"Um," Bella begins, wondering if her next question is about to move way too quickly into inappropriate territory, "Can I—do you mind if I—"

Marian finishes Bella's stumbling sentence for her, winding her arms around Bella's shoulders and standing on her tiptoes, leaning in painfully slow and pressing her lips to hers.

"Mmh," Bella says, leaning into the kiss. She might be melting. 

After a few long moments Bella brings her hand from Marian's shoulder to her face, and brushes her tentacles away from her cheek so she can kiss along her jawline, heading from her chin up to her ear. Marian's face is pressed into the crook of her neck, the two of them wrapped around each others bodies, caught up in their warmth.

Bella mumbles something into Marian's neck. It might have been "I still love you," but it comes out incomprehensible and they both pretend like they didn't hear, so she kisses her way back to Marian's lips.

Marian breaks the kiss first, leaning back ever so slightly, but Bella can still feel her breath on her lips. She looks flushed, her eyes bright, and her mouth is right there, so Bella kisses her again.

"Sorry," Bella says breathlessly as she pulls back, and Marian laughs, turning into her shoulder.

"I just wanted to say, um," Marian says, "that I have dreams like that too, sometimes. So I understand."

"You can text me," Bella says, and presses another kiss to her jaw. "Even if it's late." Marian nods, her cheeks dark, looking like she's trying as hard as she can to stifle whatever she might want to say in the moment. 

Bella enjoys watching the way Marian reacts to her touch. She feels more aware of Marian's emotions in the moment, the way she blushes when she gets close and how she leans in without realizing. She wonders how much of these signals she had missed in the past, signs Marian had given her that had gone unnoticed. 

"If it helps us both, then..." Marian trails off, and Bella understands. 

"I'm sure it's worth it," She finishes. Things may not be the way they were before, but at least now, she can hope for the first time in a while that things might get better.


End file.
